Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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