When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
