Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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