oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize