the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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