No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
