I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
