Quick, to the slutcave!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have already put on my inside pants.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
