Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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