When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
