you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize