i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
