i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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