I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize