pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
As shirtless as possible
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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