My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
