She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
