Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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