You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
