I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
