there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
