O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
