I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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