the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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