Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize