I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
