look no pants
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
