I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
