she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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