Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
