So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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