There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
