After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
