i need an iv and a liver transplant
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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