we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
