Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
