Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
