Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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