I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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