Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
