Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
