You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
