he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
