yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
