Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
