I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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