trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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