During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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