he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
