jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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