Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
