Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
