So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
