Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
