Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
