false alarm. still invincible.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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