I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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