So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize