The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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