so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
