I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
