arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
