I am spending my child support on dildos
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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