I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Vodka?
Forever.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
