Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
