I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
