i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
