People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize