Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
