I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There's always time for handjobs
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
