The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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