Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
