Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
