Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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