this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
These tits shall not be calmed
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
