just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
