hotel room ftw
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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