He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
