I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
