So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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