ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize