Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
