We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
