i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
