They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
