Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize