'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
