i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
