somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
