so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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