A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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