i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
