I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
