masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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