he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
