your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize