He asked to "fluff my boner.."
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
