Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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