i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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