maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
