after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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