put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
