I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
