My underwear smells like fireworks.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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